Saturday, May 27, 2017

Coming Soon (Long Before Moose and Squirrel Catch On)

Production Memorandum
The Lubyankan Candidate

From: XXXXXX (deleted), CEO XXXXX (withheld)
To: Boris Badenov, Associate Producer
Date: XXXXXXX (redacted)
Subject: XXXXXX (classified)
         cc: Natasha Fatale, Extra-Special Thanks

Boris, sweetheart!

First the good news:
         (1) We are this close to getting Ed Norton attached to play the older Jared Kushner, with Joseph Gordon-Levitt very interested as well and closer in age. (Eddie Redmayne is still our first choice, but he's really booked up. Oh — and that "private" URL you got from your FSB buddies? It's for "Twinks on PervHub" and very, very public. Last laugh: We got a body double there in case we do the Christopher Steele-MI6/Trump-in-Moscow-Dossier sequence for the R-rated art-house cut.)
         (2) Soros is out, and the New Money not only acquiesces to but insists on alternate endings, depending on how any coup attempt turns out. If Trump comes out on top, the Final Reveal has him heroically right about the Obama/Deep-State conspiracy.

Responding to your Note on plausibility — It's simple: from 2015 on, DT — Joey Levitt can get us John Lithgow to play him — fears Obama and the Deep State have him surveilled and that they will stop at nothing to prevent rapprochement with Mother Russia and the promise of combined Russian-US action in West Asia, bringing peace to the conflicts among Sunni, Shia, Israelis, Palestinians, etc. and guaranteeing favored Gazprom access to regional oil and natural gas, and American control of silica. (The area isn't called "The Sandbox" for nothing!) And the noble Wahhabists and their Saudi supporters will be added to Vlad P's Orthodox — and Bibi's as well — in alliance with The Donald's true Christians in a planet-girdling swath of faith and God-ordained class privilege.

Of course our hero Jared wants secure communications to the Kremlin and Lubyanka and his biz partners in both Petersbergs. He has to do an end run around the commie-pinko-faggots in the Western security services who will do anything to put the "liberal" into "liberal democracy" and thwart the sovereign People whose truly democratic will is embodied in strong rulers like Putin and Trump.

Or that's how it goes if it looks like Trump is winning. In the alternative ending, Kushner is a traitorous mad dog justly put down by the patriotic forces of NSA, MI-6, BND, DGSE, RCMP, and other agencies of the permanent government.

So, Boris baby: keep talking with Fearless Leader and be sure we'll have facilities from Mosfilm and can shoot in total privacy in Bashkortostan or some other godforsaken place in otherwise Holy Mother Russia.

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